Saturday, 30 July 2011


Today I am with 'The Moustaches'; a touring bluegrass band from Missouri, USA.
Lead singer Fuzzy McClure (on far right in grease-stained sweatshirt and spectacles) recently emailed pleading for my psychic help and expertise.

Because his band were on the verge of extinction.

How so?
Let me explain......

In this picture you will notice that as well as Fuzzy, guitar player Mickey 'Balls' Murphy (denim-clad on far left) and bassist Buckles Hannigan (owner of the nose smelling my ear) all possess bushy, self-grown moustaches. But unfortunately, drummer Chadwick Sporran (grinning at the back) has a rare genetic defect that prevents him from aging, which means despite being in his mid-60's like the other band members he is trapped in the body of a teenager. But this bittersweet curse has also turned sour, as Chadwick has been trying to grow facial hair on his upper-lip since 'The Moustaches' formed 3 years ago, but with no success. As a result, tensions within the band are rising to an all-time low and they need Geller-Aid if they are to survive.

Therefore, I am about to spend the next 12 hours rubbing the palm of my hand all around Chadwick's upper-lip whilst simultaneously yelling "GROW!" at his bald patch in a forceful, yet encouraging tone. This will unleash a tidal-wave of positive energy into Chadwick's lower-face, lubricate his hair follicles and stimulate whisker growth.

Will it work? Of course it will.
But I have a tube of Pritt Stick and handful of Partridge feathers in my pocket just in case.

Until the next time.... love, peace and positive energy,