Monday, 17 October 2011


Meet Rondò Veneziano, Italy's foremost Michael Jackson impersonator. Rondò had come to compete in this week's 'World Annual Michael Jackson Tribute Artist Championship' here in Las Vegas, which I had been invited to judge alongside my good friends Martin Bashir and Bubbles the chimpanzee.

I must admit, when I first saw Rondò I thought I had seen a ghost..... the similarity to my ex-best friend Michael was uncanny, even down to the tightness of his curls and the width of his forehead. Wow..... it was as if Michael himself had risen from the dead like the zombies in 'Thriller', had a bath, changed into clean clothes and flown to Vegas.

For his competition heat, Rondò performed a rousing rendition of one of Michael's greatest hits 'Black Or White', complete with a scene-for-scene re-enactment of the famous music video. He sung whilst perched 500 metres above the ground inside the torch of a giant papier-mâché Statue of Liberty, then abseiled down to dance beside a tiny blonde dwarf who did a very convincing recreation of Macaulay Culkin's rap mime. Gosh, it was all very impressive. Rondò even simulated the video's celebrated 'morphing faces' section by putting on lots of different rubber masks and then taking each of them off as fast as he could. Wonderful.

Unfortunately, despite his best efforts Rondò did not make it to the next round. When it came to scoring, Bubbles awarded him a low '4' out of 10 and Martin was even less impressed and only gave '1 ½'. However, after channeling and conferring with Michael's spirit we both decided upon a maximum '10', but it was not enough to secure a victory and Rondò walked away in last position. But I never like to see talent go to waste, so I took Rondò to one side, put my finger inside his left nostril and blasted a volt of positive energy into his brain.

And do you know what happened next?

He walked over to a Cher lookalike pageant at the MGM Grand and won first place.
Viva Las Vegas!

Until the next time.... love, peace and positive energy,