Friday, 18 November 2011

'URI GELLER AND THE PUNGENT AURA OF MISERY'


Despite being the world's leading TV and online telekinetical psychically hypnotic specialist, on rare occasions I also undertake emergency 'house calls'. These occasions are in fact so rare, that this is the first one that I have ever agreed to.....

Yesterday morning I was telephoned by a young woman from the Ukraine named Людмила (pronounced "
Лю - дми - ла") who is a television producer at Ukraine's fourteenth-largest broadcasting corporation. Unfortunately, Людмила and her colleagues were faced with a delicate and difficult problem that is common in workplaces across the globe. It involved a person on her team named Тимофей who, to put it mildly, had little regard for personal hygiene, and as a result his pungent body odours were interfering with all television signals that the station broadcasts.

Tens of viewers were complaining that they could not watch their favourite programmes without interruption, so it was up to me to repair not only Ukrainian television schedules, but also the morale of the Ukranian people.

Following a brief consultation with Тимофей (and my head securely harnessed within the most industrial of gas masks) I realised the solution was simple. And after just one hour of extreme hypnosis, Тимофей now believes he is a rare orchid flower who must renew his sweet-smelling odours by rubbing soaps/shower gels/shampoos/deodorants/air fresheners into his body.
The result? Людмила and her colleagues' noses are beyond happy and the people of the Ukraine are able to watch their programmes without fuzziness once more.

And as for
Тимофей? Well, you can tell how much he clearly loves his new life as an orchid from the way he proudly displays his arms like blooming petals! It is a joy to see. For another day at least, my work is done.

Until the next time.... love, peace and positive energy,

-Uri