Wednesday, 15 June 2011

'URI GELLER AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOUR DREAM EXPERIMENT'


Today I have spent the day at home and detached myself from the trappings of the outside world. The house phone has been off the hook, the battery has been removed from the doorbell and my mobile is switched to the 'telepathy' setting.

But why did I undertake such extremes?

It is because I was conducting a very dangerous and important psychic experiment that has never been attempted before, and for it to succeed I need utter and absolute peace.
And quiet. And a packet of Bourbon biscuits for when I break for tea.

There are four steps to this experiment. I shall now break down each of them for you in layman's terms....



1) AIM OF THE PSYCHIC EXPERIMENT:


Use my powers to extract a section of spectrum from a rainbow, and deposit it elsewhere.



2) METHOD FOR THE PSYCHIC EXPERIMENT:


a) Waiting days/weeks/months for heavy rainfall.

b) When storm arrives, crossing fingers and hoping for rainbow.

c) Once rainbow is visible, closing eyes and using kinetic mind powers to lock onto light frequencies of each colour within spectrum.

d) Reaching out with hand and attempting to extract segment of rainbow spectrum.

e) Securing within and/around hand.

f) Transferring spectrum slice into family dog Wholegrain Mustard's food bowl.

g) Boiling kettle.

h) Making tea.

i) Eating Bourbon biscuit(s).



3) RESULTS OF THE PSYCHIC EXPERIMENT:

The experiment was a huge success. (See photographic evidence above).



4) CONCLUSION TO THE PSYCHIC EXPERIMENT:

a) There appear to be no limits to my psychic powers and kinetic abilities.

b) Rainbow stains are stubborn and difficult to remove from skin.


Until the next time.... love, peace and positive energy,

-Uri