Tuesday, 26 February 2013

'URI GELLER AND THE RELUCTANT ADMIRER'


Today I visited a photographic studio in London to shoot pictures which will promote my new range of Uri Geller 'Positive Energy Drinks'.

"Uri this is Sharon, she will be your make-up artist today" said my latest personal assistant Mikhail, gesturing to the lady on his left.

"It is nice to meet you, Sharon" I said, and then all of a sudden I felt.... 'IT'.... again.

"Sharon.... WOW.... I sense a powerful psychic aura around your entire body.... with flashes of bright light pulsating towards me. 
And the answer is 'YES', you may have your photograph taken with me".

She quickly pushed my clasped hands away from her scalp, and I will admit that I was shocked to have been greeted with such a negative response. But when I sat in the make-up chair, the thick mist and the mist-ery, began to thin.

"Uri, you know what the problem is?" the left side of my brain asked the right.

"I think this woman is completely starstruck by you".

"Are you sure?" my brain's right side replied.

"Yes, observe.... observe how uncomfortable Sharon appears around you.... the way she is applying foundation to your cheeks at arm's length, her attempts to avoid all eye contact, and her automatic grimace whenever you speak".

"YOU ARE RIGHT!" the left side of my brain exclaimed.
"Sharon is obviously a Super-Fan, but not only that - she is a 'Super-Shy Super-Fan!".

"I know exactly how to help someone so timid!" concluded my brain's right side.

When the photoshoot was complete and it was time to leave, I jumped directly into Sharon's personal space. Before she could reach for anything sharp I stared deeply into her eyes, brought forth a semi-smile, and hypnotised her body into a frozen state of paralysis.

"Mikhail, please take a picture of us with your camera phone and email it to dear Sharon - clearly one of my biggest fans EVER".

Sharon did not have the ability to speak at the time, but her numbed eyes told me she will treasure that photograph, forever.


Until the next time.... love, peace and positive energy,

-Uri